The wheels on the bus

I'm inconsistent. I'm predictably Spontaneous. I think big. I think small. I don't think at all. I believe in the now. I make small judgements. I don't communicate often. I communicate well. I feel. I speak little. I talk often. I am simply living my life and I am grateful for the additives in my life. I'm writing my own life. It's hard, but it's fun. Some pages go straight to the trash bin, but for the most part, the pages are neatly stacked. Everything is what it is supposed to be. I am me.

Saran-Wrapped

Are my eyes bigger than my stomach? There are so many things I want to do, but it's hard to prioritize the tasks, and I often fail to follow through. I start, but don't finish. Why? Am I not committing? Am I scared to commit to a task? I know it feels better upon completion or at least progress is fulfilling. A bit of ADD? Or just the plain excitement to try new things?...like a fucking kid in a candy store...I just need to remember to brush and floss.

I don't know, do you?

It's funny right now. I have no feelings about many things. I have too many feelings about other things. Nothing feels right, right now. Well, I can't say 'nothing'...but when one thing out weighs the other things, it feels like the only thing, therefore, nothing. I feel like disconnection is wise. Then again, I feel so disconnected from things going on that I can't do anything about. Jail, unwanted pregnancies, illnesses, love, confusion, frustrations, loss, feeling lost, jokes, jobs, money, travel, birthdays, anniversaries, dinners, drinks, etc etc... Zero time for reflection. And fuck reflection. We sit and reflect and sometimes, it just doesn't work. I think it's better to just see it for what it is and move forward making the best of whatever. The feeling that it's okay for me to escape is beating hard in my body right now. It's like when you crave a banana or milk, you must eat or drink it, cause your body knows best. My body..ME is telling me to escape. Not run away, just break free for a bit. I look forward to these escapes. Might just be a 'no phone weekend' ahead. Send me a postcard.

Did it in a minute

Say it isn't so. I can't go for that (no can do). You make my dreams. Did it in a minute. Private Eyes. Maneater. One on one. Out of touch. Rich Girl. Adult Education. She's Gone. Sara smile. You've lost that lovin' feelin'. Method of modern love. Family Man. Some things are better left unsaid.

How has there not been a Broadway Musical yet with Hall & Oates songs? There are so many good titles and amazing lyrics...

such as: "The woman is wild, A she-cat tamed By the purr of a Jaguar."

And don't forget: "In the lot the boy that's idling by doesn't rev your heart. Cause it's only lonely spots he shares with you. And the long halls and the gray walls are gonna split apart. Believe it or not there's life after high school."

We all know: "Why you try to put up a front for me, I'm a spy but on your side you see, Slip on, into any disguise I'll still know you look into my Private Eyes."

And we should wake up to: "What I want, you've got But it might be hard to handle Like the flame that burns the candle The candle feeds the flame yeah yeah What I got -- full stock of thoughts and dreams that scatter And you pull them all together And how I can't explain oh yeah Well well you (ooh ooh ooh ooh) you make my dreams come true (you you) you(you you)Well well well you (ooh ooh ooh ooh) oh yeah you make my dreams come true(ooh oooh ooh ooh) hell yeah."

And fall asleep to: "If you feel like leaving you know you can go But why don't you stay until tomorrow? If you want to be free, you know, all you got to do is say so And when you feel cold, I'll warm you And when you feel you can't go on, I'll come and hold you It's you... And me forever Sara Smile Won't you smile a while for me."

Looking forward to Independence Day.

Holes to Heaven

It's easy to take the downstream route. It seems normal and expected. It can be draining but eventually it will pour out into the ocean of possibilities, and the ship will sail elsewhere. I'm paddling upstream, with struggles along the way, but ultimately there is something to discover. Something that perhaps I have yet to explore. A craving, a desire to create my life. The possibility of sending me on a detour. And the patience of taking that route. I may not get to the Pacific in 20 minutes, but it's worth the Sunset scenic sights. "Sunset scenic sights"??? SSS- ah geez. Space is time, time we may not get back. So fill it with something. A scenic route, perhaps? I take a Jack Johnson CD or two...great for the ride.

sushi for one

This evening, I decided to go for a walk. I walked down to Melrose and took photos of random street art and whatnot. As I was crossing the street at a crosswalk with a little white light man telling me to cross, I get hit by a car. Okay, okay getting hit is an overstatement. The old man was turning left as I was crossing and he slammed on his breaks as a flung half my body onto his hood. I had my camera and my iPod. I just looked at him. He looked confused and not aware that he did anything wrong. I was fine. My electronics were fine. I walked away. I went to eat some sushi. But my heart was racing, that's for sure. Not really a near death experience...maybe a near broken arm or leg experience, but nonetheless kind of scary. My life can change just like that. Appreciate it. My $2 Asahi beers during sushi were appreciated.

perks of being a palm tree

the perks of being a wallflower. watching and listening. seeing and understanding. i like to sit back and let the life happen in front of me. i don't have to always be a part of it, directly. i like being quiet and soaking in knowledge and learning of human interaction. lots of consistency. i see a lot of the same thing from the same people. very little spontaneity. sometimes i feel i already know what is about to be said or done. there's a sense of comfort we have with knowing. personally i like not knowing. i don't want to know what's going to happen next. i want life to surprise me. i live spontaneously and i don't have a schedule, besides work and softball, and even that is uneven. i feel i have lived when life just happens. there is only so much planning you can do, and most things that have made me happy in my life and that have made me feel good, have not been planned. if someone is out there planning my life, please take the schedule book and write out the itinerary. i want nothing to do with it.