I'm not scared to live.

We hiked along Highway 1 (PCH) in Gualala, CA. We blew bubbles. We crossed a bridge over a river. We waived a stick with ribbon. We laughed. We got off the road and walked through what felt like an African safari terrain, with brown grass 3-4 feet tall. There were hawks circling the sky, eyeing prey or dead animals. We walked to the side of the hill and looked out to see a beautiful live water painting. The trees breathing over the river past the bridge we just crossed, the lagoon waters rippling below us, and the ocean waves crashing in the distance while the long grass breathed against our legs. We continued down the trail and within one quick turn, we found ourselves on a beach; what felt like a deserted island. There were big tree trunks and branches to play with in the sand. We built seesaws, balance beams and crucifixes. There was a rock wall that seemed to be from Jupiter or Mars. I felt like I was in the movie “The Lord of the Flies” lands on “The Planet of the Apes” while living like the characters from “The Blue Lagoon”.

I stood there and watched the waves crashing onto the beach about 5-8 feet tall. I knew I was in no state to body surf these treacherous waves, besides it was only 64º outside, the Pacific Ocean is freezing. When the waves crash into the sand, the water forms a “V” and starts rushing towards my feet, creating an effect like the Ocean is reaching out to me to pull me into the rowdy waves. It fails. I don’t run away. I stand there and let the water crash into my legs as it pulls the sand from under my feet. The sand comforts the grip of my feet. I feel as though I am part of the Earth. My roots are grounded in the sand, and nothing can knock me off my feet. I am fearless at this point. This thick 2-foot long stick draws out the word “FEARS” in the sand, and I toss the stick into the mouth of the wave. The wave pushes the fear stick halfway between the ocean and myself and then pulls it back into the water. I wait to see if it will come back to me, and I feel this sense of relief, as I don’t gain sight of the stick anymore. I faced my metaphor for Fear. Small steps to understanding what scares me and how I can face those things. We can all stand on the beach and watch the waves. We can let the waves crash into us over and over. We can run away from the waves or we can embrace the waves. Surfing is more fun when there are waves. I am choosing to embrace those waves.

video/photo credit: instagram @joshinaround514 & @aclaytonsaunders